Weekday bass runs, bad ideas with carbonation, and salmon acting like they just slammed pre-workout straight to the gills⌠Ep. 28 is a ride.
Bret (@13.13.photography), Dave (@davespeerart), and Gary (@ghoule1111) break down recent trips chasing Micropterus spp. with zero restraint, then crack open Fishing Dewsâ where two dumbasses, questionable decisions, and fishy outcomes collide.
Then we launch a new segment: Fish of the States đşđ¸ First stop: Alabama â and yeah⌠nobody was ready for that level of biodiversity. Absolute giants, weirdos, and a species list that spirals fast. By the end, itâs less âdiscussionâ and more âwe should probably just go.â
This ep just crash-landed into your earholes and it smells like Everglades mud, jet fuel, and bad decisions.
Bret, Dave, and Gary took their talents south and proceeded to wring 15 species out of the Florida swamp like a bunch of sleep-deprived, sunburnt maniacs. New species for everyoneâbecause nothing bonds a crew faster than collectively not knowing what just ate your lure.
There were Miami dinners (some classy, some⌠less so), jokes that should never see daylight, and a respectable pile of sacrificed tackle now decorating the bottom of the Everglades. Pour one out.
A guide was hiredâand yeah, absolute hammer.
call
Captain Skip at 561.255.1268
Airplanes were sat in. Hotel breakfasts were aggressively consumed. And somewhere in the chaos, the legend of the Grand Wagoneer grew three sizes that day.
Weâre wrapping up the Carp Ladder âCyprinus carpio, you beautiful trash panda of the freshwater worldâand sharpening hooks for next monthâs descent into Fish of the States. Itâs about to get weird. Alabama, you’re on the clock.
Hit play. Tell a friend. Go fish. Not necessarily in that order.
Episode 26 February. Love. Fish. In no particular order and absolutely no supervision.
Weâre back. Itâs cold. Itâs romantic (allegedly). And somehow weâre talking about fish again instead of buying flowers.
Bret and Dave roll through recent tripsâquestionable weather decisions includedâand dive headfirst into the latest fishing news spiral:
đ Swedish Fish (and not even about the Carp Ladder. We contain multitudes.) đŁ Stolen tarpon. Yes. Someone really boosted a silver king. Humanity remains undefeated in weirdness. 𪟠Jellyfish with a unique anus. Evolution is wild and apparently has a sense of humor. đ¸ UFOs. Because if it swims⌠or hovers ominously over water⌠weâre probably talking about it.
Then we descend into the final four baits of the Carp Ladderâthe strangest, most diabolical offerings yet. If you thought it couldnât get weirder, congratulations. You were wrong. These baits are less âmatch the hatchâ and more âquestion your life choices.â
Somewhere in there, we laugh at ourselves. Repeatedly. Itâs therapeutic.
đ§ Listen wherever you get your podcasts or dive in at ifitswims.com
đ¸ Follow the chaos on Instagram: @the_ifitswims_podcast
đŠ Got feedback? Love notes? Mild threats? Weird fish photos? Send it to: feedback@ifitswims.com
Episode 25: The crew’s back and barely thawed outâBret, Gary, and Dave huddle up to swap fish tales from frozen tents, chase the first fish of the year, and unpack some truly cursed crab trap contents (shoutout to the mystery shark head that started 2026 off so right).
Weâre back from the field and straight into the fish-adjacent madness â with just enough structure to call this a podcast episode and not a group text gone rogue.
First up: a few recent trips where the fish showed up, the weather didnât behave, and nobody remembered sunscreen (again).
Then we dive headfirst into some fishing-flavored news that may or may not have happened in the same universe:
Drones being used in ways weâre not legally qualified to comment on
Invasive green crabs doing what invasive green crabs do (eat, ruin, repeat)
And yes, an actual royal king doing royal king things â somehow fishing-related, somehow real
Weâve also got:
A quiet carp ladder update that somehow made things weirder
Weather mood swings of course.
Dave  and Bret laughing at their own jokes so much we stopped editing them out
And a mysterious little peek at the future that may involve fins, fire, or both
If it swims, weâre talking about it. If it doesnât, we probably still tried to put a hook in it.
Full episode at ifitswims.com or wherever your questionable life choices lead you for podcasts.
In this episode, we hit the sand, surf, and straight-up weird side of the fishing world like a hardhead catfish eating something even it wasn’t sure about..
We kick things off with a redfish surf fishing trip that reminded us why salt, sand, and suffering are the holy trinity of angling. Did we catch fish? Absolutely. Did we sunburn in places that shouldn’t see daylight? You bet.
Then it’s on to fishing news, where things get weird real quick: Fish-themed video games? Check. piebald blue catfish straight outta your patchwork nightmares? Yep. A flooded restaurant where you eat knee-deep in water while fish cruise past your table? Of course thatâs real. Welcome to the apocalypse, served with fries.
We also climb back onto the carp ladder, adding four more strange and weird baits to our ever-growing arsenal of questionable decisions. Do they work? Tune in. Or better yet, try ’em and tell us how many carp laughed at you.
Plus: Listener feedback so good we had to Google a few things to see if yâall were messing with us. You werenât. You’re just deeply weird and we love you for it.
Somewhere in there we ask the eternal question: What WOULD Jeremy Wade do? (Spoiler: probably that.)
Bret and Dave are back with another round of multi-species mayhem, low-stakes fishing hot takes, and extremely questionable aquatic science. This month, they unpack their latest adventures, troll through some fishy corners of the internet, and add FOUR brand-new offerings to the ever-evolving, totally arbitrary Carp Ladder.
Also on the docket (but not in any logical order): The world’s largest swimming pool (seriously, itâs absurd) People catching fish for the carp ladder (thanks, cult following) Giant fish dangling in shopping malls Murray cod (aka Maccullochella peelii if youâre feelinâ Latin) Chunky smallmouth in Vermont …and other assorted nonsense that we probably shouldâve edited out (but didnât).
The podcast your tackle box warns you about. Stream it, scream it, or ignore it entirelyâeither way, weâre at:
This month, Bret and Dave return from the salt crusted, sunburned trenches of an IFITSWIMS group trip â where sharks were hooked, redfish were wrangled, and someone probably got bit by a crab. They break down the trip, riff on fishy headlines, and give you the latest updates from the Carp Ladder, which is either a wholesome community contest or the beginning of a slippery evolutionary experiment.
đť Want to enter the Carp Ladder? Of course you do. Sign up on ifitswims.com under the Contests tab, or just yell at us via email: carpladder@ifitswims.com
his month on the IFITSWIMS podcast, Bret and Dave are back to trade lies, swap bait, and dig into the wet mess of recent trips and stranger-than-fiction fish news. We’re talking:
â Orange sharks. Seriously. â Fish raining from the freakinâ sky. â The Carp Ladder leaderboardâs heating up. â Four new baits dropped like hot mixtapes. â Carp fishing in the worldâs largest swimming pool. â Bass fishing before breakfast. â Meth? Yup. Meth. â Freshwater drum on the dinner table.
If that doesnât hook you, maybe the sound of Bretâs âfun-fact voiceâ or Daveâs existential dread will.
đŁ Join the Carp Ladder â climb it or fall trying. Sign up via ifitswims.com under the âContestsâ tab or email your fishy ambitions to: carpladder@ifitswims.com
đâđ¨ Got thoughts, praise, or bitter critiques? Slide into our inbox at feedback@ifitswims.com
đ¸ Follow our collective fishing fever dream on Instagram: @if_it_swims
đŚ New episodes monthly-ish. Unless weâre fishing. Which we are. Probably right now.
