We’ve been sitting on this one for a while, and we’re done sitting.
On Thursday, November 12, at 8PM Central, the If It Swims crew goes live on YouTube with the biggest announcement in the show’s history. No, we’re not telling you what it is. Yes, it’s worth showing up for.
Set your reminder and watch it live, as it happens:
“Is That What They Called David Bowie Back When He Did The Spiders From Mars?”
In this episode, Bret, Gary, and Dave — aka the If It Swims crew — discuss stuff. Fish stuff, mostly. Other stuff inevitably sneaks in.
Bret hikes three miles past a closed tailrace and catches five species from one spot, which is showing off, and loses number six at the bank, which is balance. Gary has an epic morning of largemouth on the East Fork of the Trinity and then paddles home into the wind with a dead kayak battery. Dave and Gary meet up in Waco, navigate by sketchy buildings, get kicked out by the city, and catch three fish between them. There is also a man on a hoverboard, holding his wife’s hand and smoking a cigarette, and he is living better than all of us.
In fish news: a resort in the Philippines is making tilapia ice cream, and it is blue. A mako shark in Malibu allegedly bit a kayaker twice, including once after being released, which we find deeply suspicious. And a guy got paid $132,960 for catching 13,062 northern pikeminnow, a fish the rest of us throw back. We are in the wrong line of work.
Fish of the States goes to Connecticut, a state none of us has ever actually been to. Which means American shad. Festivals for shad. A derby for shad. An entire museum for shad. Connecticut also has 84 species records, an 81-pound striped bass, and a fish called the hogchoker that even pigs won’t eat.
And yes, we’re mentioning the November 12 YouTube livestream again. We’re going to keep mentioning it. Really. Be there. Bret has been planning this announcement for two and a half years. At this point you’ve been given plenty of notice.
All that, assorted tangents, questionable facts, questionable-er opinions, and three guys talking about fish for longer than reasonable people probably should.
“Ya Got Me Wondering… Am I A Cookie Cutter Shark?”
In this episode, Bret, Gary, and Dave — aka the If It Swims crew — discuss stuff. Fish stuff, mostly. Other stuff inevitably sneaks in.
We talk fatty livers, wonder whether we might actually be cookie cutter sharks, and head to Colorado for this month’s installment of Fish of the States. Which means trout. Lots of trout. Seriously, Colorado, we get it. You have trout.
We also discover that pikeminnow is a pretty damn cool fish name, talk fishing trips, and wander through carp, cats, bass, and whatever other fish happen to swim through the conversation.
And yes, we’re mentioning the November 12 YouTube livestream again. We’re going to keep mentioning it. Really. Be there. At this point you’ve been given plenty of notice.
All that, assorted tangents, questionable facts, questionable-er opinions, and three guys talking about fish for longer than reasonable people probably should.
Bret, Dave, and Gary are back to catch up on some recent fishing trips, virtually visit California, and dig into a few of the stranger stories from the world of fish.
This episode has a little bit of everything: smelt stink, vats of fish sauce stink, we stink, hidden crabs, dinosaur tracks, surprise marlin, and whatever else we manage to wander into along the way.
But most importantly, mark your calendar for November 12 at 8:00 PM Central.
We’ll be LIVE on YouTube with a HUGE announcement about If It Swims. We’re not giving it away yet, but trust us—you really don’t want to miss this one.
Bret blanks. Gary and Dave catch bass. The natural order holds.
Dave somehow ends up with a little DNA on him. We don’t dwell.
Bret takes a grass carp to the nutsack. He recovers. Mostly.
Dave’s back with fish factoids pulled straight from the news.
The cloaca gets another mention on the pod. It keeps finding its way in.
Fish doorbells. Yes, they’re real. Yes, you can ring one.
We mangle a few scientific names, as is tradition.
A sea lion pulls off a tuna heist. Somebody calls it a big blubbery bully.
Somebody says “that’s so metal.”
Gary gets into Minnesota native fish — quillback (Carpiodes cyprinus), buffaloes (Ictiobus), assorted suckers, freshwater drum (Aplodinotus grunniens) — plus a native fish day worth marking down.
We talk Arizona. Arizona fishing, Arizona fish. Two genuinely cool trouts (Oncorhynchus apache and Oncorhynchus gilae).
We go fully nerdy on the genus Elops.
Once again, someone says “regular bream.”
There’s some slipper talk. The footwear kind. It gets weird. We’re not sure how either.
Weekday bass runs, bad ideas with carbonation, and salmon acting like they just slammed pre-workout straight to the gills… Ep. 28 is a ride.
Bret (@13.13.photography), Dave (@davespeerart), and Gary (@ghoule1111) break down recent trips chasing Micropterus spp. with zero restraint, then crack open Fishing Dews— where two dumbasses, questionable decisions, and fishy outcomes collide.
Then we launch a new segment: Fish of the States 🇺🇸 First stop: Alabama — and yeah… nobody was ready for that level of biodiversity. Absolute giants, weirdos, and a species list that spirals fast. By the end, it’s less “discussion” and more “we should probably just go.”
This ep just crash-landed into your earholes and it smells like Everglades mud, jet fuel, and bad decisions.
Bret, Dave, and Gary took their talents south and proceeded to wring 15 species out of the Florida swamp like a bunch of sleep-deprived, sunburnt maniacs. New species for everyone—because nothing bonds a crew faster than collectively not knowing what just ate your lure.
There were Miami dinners (some classy, some… less so), jokes that should never see daylight, and a respectable pile of sacrificed tackle now decorating the bottom of the Everglades. Pour one out.
A guide was hired—and yeah, absolute hammer.
call
Captain Skip at 561.255.1268
Airplanes were sat in. Hotel breakfasts were aggressively consumed. And somewhere in the chaos, the legend of the Grand Wagoneer grew three sizes that day.
We’re wrapping up the Carp Ladder —Cyprinus carpio, you beautiful trash panda of the freshwater world—and sharpening hooks for next month’s descent into Fish of the States. It’s about to get weird. Alabama, you’re on the clock.
Hit play. Tell a friend. Go fish. Not necessarily in that order.
Episode 26 February. Love. Fish. In no particular order and absolutely no supervision.
We’re back. It’s cold. It’s romantic (allegedly). And somehow we’re talking about fish again instead of buying flowers.
Bret and Dave roll through recent trips—questionable weather decisions included—and dive headfirst into the latest fishing news spiral:
🐟 Swedish Fish (and not even about the Carp Ladder. We contain multitudes.) 🎣 Stolen tarpon. Yes. Someone really boosted a silver king. Humanity remains undefeated in weirdness. 🪼 Jellyfish with a unique anus. Evolution is wild and apparently has a sense of humor. 🛸 UFOs. Because if it swims… or hovers ominously over water… we’re probably talking about it.
Then we descend into the final four baits of the Carp Ladder—the strangest, most diabolical offerings yet. If you thought it couldn’t get weirder, congratulations. You were wrong. These baits are less “match the hatch” and more “question your life choices.”
Somewhere in there, we laugh at ourselves. Repeatedly. It’s therapeutic.
🎧 Listen wherever you get your podcasts or dive in at ifitswims.com
📸 Follow the chaos on Instagram: @the_ifitswims_podcast
📩 Got feedback? Love notes? Mild threats? Weird fish photos? Send it to: feedback@ifitswims.com
